I feel that there is a little bit of confusion in our world about self-love.
Ever since we were little, we were taught not to be SELFISH! We were taught to be selfless and put others first. With our childlike understanding, we began to minimize ourselves and put others above us. To make sure we apply this teaching well, we over-compensate by putting ourselves down. This just leads us to feeling bad about ourselves. You know that negative feelings held for a long time will develop into health problems and other life problems right?
The lesson we were meant to get was to be considerate! Self-abuse, self-loathing and self-hatred wasn’t the intention of our parents or church leaders’ teachings. What makes it especially bad is that generations after generations our parents and grandparents have passed down their version of being selflessness to us. All this self-abuse is compounded over the years. What could have been a virtue is now a vice.
God wants us to be HAPPY! Our parents want us to be happy. So why aren’t we happy most of the time? We haven’t learned happiness from them because they don’t know what that fully means!
We aren’t fully happy because we don’t have a healthy, balanced self-love.
The first commandment is to Love God. The second commandment is to love others LIKE you love yourself!
30 And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment.
31 And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these. —Mark 12:30-31
This means you can and should love yourself. How can you fully love others completely, unconditionally when you don’t know how to love yourself?
So to clarify what we are taught: We are asked to love others as much as we love ourselves. That means be considerate and see other’s for the amazing person they are too. We do not need to minimize ourselves and abuse ourselves. We are all equally important and loved by God.
Self-Love vs. Self-Esteem
I had a lot of gut issues for a long time. The gut problems led to Eczema, Asthma, Allergies, Acne, sinus problems, weight gain and more! To resolve this problem, I had to find out why I had that gut problem in the first place. I discovered the root of it was anxiety and stress. Digging deeper, I discovered the anxiety and stress is a form of fear. Fear of not being safe. The antidote is FAITH. Faith means I am safe and loved. So now, I have to understand that I am loved. Loved means I have to accept that God loves me and is watching out for me.
I just couldn’t fathom why God would love me. I didn’t deserve it! I haven’t done anything to earn it. As much as I hungered for it, I wondered how can anyone could love me?
I listed all my flaws and all the reasons why I wasn’t good enough. That didn’t make me happier! Duh!
Then I realized that I was measuring myself with the WORLD’S MEASURING TOOLS! The world’s measuring tools were to be the biggest, bestest, tallest, smartest, prettiest COMPARED to other people. It seems so EXCLUSIVE. Only one person can be on top. In my mind, I felt confused because it seems so subjective, who was best and who wasn’t.
Naturally, I listed ways to fix this and worked hard to measure up. I worked hard to prove and come up with ‘reasons why’ I was ok and good enough. This was exhausting because as soon as I thought I was good enough in one area, I found someone else better or that I was lacking in other areas! I realized working hard to getting higher SELF-ESTEEM wasn’t the way to go. It wasn’t God’s way. It was competition. It was dividing. It was scarcity. It causes a lot of jealousy, coveting, and judgmental thoughts. It was being selfish focusing my energy on me and how insufficient I am.
I asked myself what is GOD’S way then?? If building my self-esteem up wasn’t helping to receive God’s love then HOW do I do this right?
As I pondered this, I was shown a picture of my children in my mind. God said, ‘Look at your children.’ Then I got it.
The day that I birthed my first child. I held her in my arms. An overwhelming sense of love rushed over me. “How can you have so much love for someone you just barely met?” You will do anything to provide for and protect that small person. She didn’t need to earn it or deserve that love in anyway but I love her anyways! WHY? Because she is MINE! That was my answer. Bingo!!
You are are Child of God. You are loved simply because you are His son or His daughter. You are His!! At that point, I just broke down and cried because I started to love myself the way God loves me.
My children are not perfect. They are still growing and learning. They have weaknesses but it is ok. That doesn’t stop me from loving them.
When the kids were little, you loved your kids as they wobble funny learning to walk. They aren’t perfect walkers at that time but that doesn’t matter. You know that soon they will grow up and be different yet again. You love them every step of their progression. So does God.
Why should we play God and judge ourselves worthy or unworthy? We can just accept and love ourselves unconditionally now the way God has made us. There is a loving reason why we were born where we were born. There is a reason why we look the way we look. Love and be content with what you have. Serve with what gift and talents you are given. There is no need to compare. Comparison shows your lack of gratitude for what God has given you.
Since I’ve learned that truth, I can see my own beauty. My body healed faster. My relationships strengthened. My financial situation improved. I allowed God to bless me. I worked on releasing self-imposed limitations as I find them. It has been a liberating and joyful journey.
So Self-love isn’t selfish. It is accepting yourself as a child of God. It is stepping into your place in God’s world and being a good steward. You see what God has given you and now you can maximize what you’ve been given gratefully without blaming, comparison or complaining.
If you have a belief that you have to do it all on your own and fix problems by yourself, you need to change that. The reality is that we can’t do it all on our own, we don’t have to and shouldn’t have to do it all on our own. You are a child of God who is loves you dearly. God wants to give you everything just because you are His. You do not need to earn or deserve anything. As long as you understand where your blessings are from and continue to connect to Him, then that is enough. Don’t fear that you might be spoilt and feel entitled. Being spoilt and entitled means you forgot to give the glory and credit back to God, where all blessings come from.
Here are some oils to help you find out who you truly are. When you know who you are, you can develop more self love. Then you will be able to step up to live the way you ought to, with power, love, and light.
Black Pepper: Black Pepper is the oil of unmasking. It helps you take off that mask and show the world who you really are. God loves you every step of the way. God loves you for all your flaws. Smell it, drink it, rub it and allow yourself to be more self-aware and courageous. Be yourself.
Lavender: Lavender helps you open up, relax and stop hiding. You can freely express yourself now without worrying about what others may think of you. When you love and accept yourself, you will see that others love and accept you too. You no longer fear rejection because you no longer reject yourself. Smell it, drink it, and rub it.
Coriander: Coriander helps you be true to yourself. Absorb the sweetness of your life and you will attract more sweetness. Be guided by your inner light. You can and should be unique. You add your version to the bouquet of talents in the world. You do not have to be who other’s are and definitely don’t need to please everyone. Smell it, drink it, and rub it.
Geranium: Geranium reminds you to trust yourself. You’ve got this. Your inner light will shine through as you love and trust yourself. You are sweet too. Be tolerant of your flaws and differences. You will be more patient and tolerant of others. Relax and let go of frustration and inner conflict. Smell it, drink it, and rub it.
Rose: Rose is the oil of Divine love. Feel God’s love. Smell it and rub it all over yourself. Allow yourself to be loved all over. You want to shower your children with everything good right? So does God but He loves you even more so then you love your kids. Your job is to RECEIVE His love! Work on it and allow yourself to be healed. It isn’t that difficult.
Show gratitude for the perfection of your life. You will find that the loose threads you thought had no place, fits perfectly in the tapestry that God is weaving for you.
Here are some good affirmations to use: